Day 9: Something happened overnight. Maybe because it is so late in the cleanse, maybe because I finished my ladies’ holiday. I woke up feeling skinnier, with my face very much cleared up. In fact, I look closely and realize that last week I had a ton of blackheads all over my chest region, and they have all disappeared. Not only that—scars and marks I have had from acne for months have cleared up. It is such a drastic change in a positive direction, I may continue on the cleanse for a few days more. The tongue is still not pink all the way through and if a couple of more days would clear up my skin, I think that would be worth it. Although I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was starting to miss food a bit. I can’t wait to taste broccoli again! Today was a day off and so I went to yoga. The split finger and the cleanse made me go slower than usual and cutting out all the vinyasas in my practice—but really interesting, can already see so many more spaces open because of the cleanse. I hop on the train to head to Brighton Beach via Coney Island alone, for a couple hours of sun. A woman sprays some kind of body mist or perfume on, discretely mind you, and the chemical scent is so overpowering, I can barely stand it. On the train I am reading my journals from a year ago, moving into the time that I went away to India. About exactly a year ago I bought these rose quartz bracelets. I sought them out purposefully, buying one online on eBay, two at Whole foods and my best friend gave me one she had lying around her apartment. Rose Quartz is supposed to attract love to you and open your heart chakra. A year ago I was very consciously trying to do this. When I was in a very clear place in Vermont last summer, meditating on every break, people were finding their way to me somehow and constantly asking me for advice, I had tons of energy and light and one of my friends joked with me: “I don’t think your heart chakra needs to be any more open, Margaret.” ☺ Anyway, when I was in India, I had this very strong intuition at this meditation ashram that the bracelets would break or disappear, and that’s when I would have no need for them. I also had an insight that the love I was trying to attract was not a partner (one of my main intentions for the bracelets,) but rather self-love from myself. One of my first weeks at the ashram, one broke, splaying beads all over the sidewalk, and for a moment I was upset, because I truly cherished these bracelets, and that had been the one my friend gave me. Then I recalled my intuition, and thought: ‘that’s just an opening; let it go, so something else may come.’ A few months later, another broke and I noted it. Sometime in the last couple of weeks, I was thinking, ‘what happened to those last two chakra bracelets?’ I wasn’t casual with these—I literally wore them every day, and it wasn’t until I read the entry on the train that I realized that all four bracelets were gone… and I didn’t need them any more. ☺ So not hungry at all. Carrying my spicy drinks everywhere and my mouth feels like it’s constantly on fire. I try not to talk too close to people’s faces because I think I smell like a dragon. Had a group deeksha in the afternoon (oneness blessing) which was fantastic, and then saw the most lovely movie “Once” with one of my dearest new friends. The night was perfect. The weather my absolute favorite—that sultry New York heat where it’s midnight and you can sit outside in a sundress. I walked the 45 minute walk home slowly passing all of these landmarks of my last ten years in the city. Men will come and go, but New York may very well be the love of my life. I still have a ton of energy at 10:30, so I call another friend who lives close by and we catch up on the week sitting on a bench in Washington square park. I feel happy, centered, calm.

Day 8: Had to work today and pretty uneventful. I really haven’t been hungry for food at all, which has been great. After work I went home to rest a bit before meeting a friend for a movie—ended up passing out cold for an hour. Sometimes we don’t even realize how tired we are. I’ve been really careful to set aside this time for myself and to have plenty of down-time and I think that’s one of the things that is making the cleanse easy to go through. After the movie it was still pretty early, so my friend and I went to have dinner on University, outside at a bistro. He had dinner—I had organic Herbal mint tea. (Which they had there… score.) He went all out—goat cheese salad, mashed potatoes, sautéed mushrooms and some other fancy named potato, and vanilla bean cheesecake for dessert. I smelled each one, and they smelled DIVINE. My senses are super strong right now. Very proud that I could sit there while he ate and not be in a struggle with myself the entire time about it. I think that has also been the key to having an easy time with the cleanse—it has all been about perception. Instead of sitting and staring at something and wishing I could have it, or bemoaning the fact that I couldn’t, just choosing to not acknowledge that it is there. Or acknowledging it, but not needing to partake of it. I really hope that is something I can take with me after this, because it is one of my largest food issues—not being able to say no, and not knowing when to stop. I am reading Alan Carr’s “the Easway to Stop Drinking” in hopes of curtailing my alcohol intake after the cleanse, and I CANNOT get through it. Something is blocking me. The Easyway worked so well for me to quit smoking, I think part of me is scared that he will stop me from drinking forever, which I don’t want to do—I’d just like to cut down a bit. I read one page at night, and it knocks me out. It’s absurd. So funny that my mind is holding me back from it.

Day 7: So this morning starts out lovelily. (Yes, that’s a word. Or it should be.) I don’t need to be to the office until 11, and it is new moon, so no yoga practice, so I wake up early and decide to go for a walk along the Hudson. An hour later, I am back in my apartment and preparing a MC drink, squeezing the lemon and pushing a knife in and around the lemon (the way I do at the office because there is no fork and I have not thought to bring one in.) I don’t know why I am doing it this way right now, because I sure as shit do have forks in my apartment, but I am doing it with one of my sharp Cutco knives. While listening distractedly to an audio file on my iPod, the knife shoots right through the lemon and into the center of my middle finger. There is blood everywhere. Uh oh. I put the hand under water and try to investigate more thoroughly; I’m supposed to be leaving for work soon after all, and maybe I can just slap a huge ass bandage on and be out the door. I inspect the 2cm wide incision; it is deep; it is seeping with blood; oh, okay people, and there’s a bone. Or marrow. Or a joint. Or whatever is inside that I’m not supposed to be seeing from the outside. Sigh. Really? On the 7th day of my cleanse I have to go to the ER? I go online. Websites say if it does not stop bleeding in ten minutes you need to go to the hospital. I decide to get dressed slowly, carefully, yet firmly pushing a wad of recycled, dye and fragrance free paper towel into my exposed tendon all the while, now fully over-garnished with blood. Ten minutes later I am in a cab on the way to St. Vincent’s. I have taken more cabs in the last seven days than I have in the last five months combined. I’m quite surprised at how cool and calm I am. I just instated my new insurance with my new job, so good there, and I just keep thinking—okay, well, this was supposed to happen, so let’s just see what this experience teaches me. A year ago I would have easily been thinking about how shitty and inconvenient and painful all this was… looks like it’s just a matter of perception. ;) Everything goes fairly smoothly. I put on my make-up for work in the waiting room. I am wearing a bright pink Ann Taylor suit jacket I bought for Easter one year in college, a bohemian-y scarf tied gracefully around my neck and jeans, and I look pretty. My cheekbones are finding new ridges. I am sparkly summer sangria right now, and everyone else, Grand and Essex everclear. The staff is noticeably nicer to me than, for instance, the drunk woman Jennifer. Jennifer is too drunk to exit the ER, to sit up even, to respond to “Jennifer” even without multiple arm shakes. She is threatened countless times and was probably removed by force at the end of it all. All the other patients there looked terribly sad and sick. It smells. It is not disturbing, per se. I just note it. I’m not cringing from it, but let’s just say I’m not throwing my next office party there. I am given two stitches, a splint, and a tetanus shot. On the way back to the office, I stop at Bed, Bath and Beyond and buy my boss a new set of oversized plastic glasses and a lemon juicer. Here’s what’s most interesting. My tongue was just about half pink—the white from the detoxing had receded. Within an hour, my tongue was coated white again. They gave me shots to numb my finger, and really, I wasn’t doing it any other way. (I knew a yogi/rolfer in India who was going to have knee surgery without anesthesia so that his psychic body would not be cut off from the pain—that’s way too hard core in my book…. a 2cm cut to the bone that needs stitches? Let’s numb it up, people! Stat!) I digress. My tongue became completely white all over again—detoxing from the anesthesia, I’m sure of it. Fascinating.

Day 6: Well, I feel all around pretty fantastic. No yoga this morning because of ladies' holiday, and so in the office all day with really strong energy. My boss tells me by the fridge that he needs to buy all new cups because even the clean ones in the office still reek a little of cayenne pepper. There are only two large cups that he uses, but still--I will probably buy him some more. :0 He also asked me if I have cleaned out my fridge-I told him no, and he says "you should go it it... fresh start, you know? You're not eating, you're not drinking, what are you doing? Clean out all your closets, so when you're done with this you feel clean inside and out." That sounds like a good idea and I think I might just do that tonight! Had a meeting with a friend today about a corporate partnership about my company helping save rainforests… mind is spinning with ideas. I go home and I clean out my fridge, and my front closet, and straighten up in my apartment. That takes about three hours total. My Rob Brezny freewillastrology.com horoscope for the week told me this: “Invoke the wild intelligence that rises up in you when you're infatuated with a romantic partner, then redirect that feeling toward the entire world… Pray while you're making love and make love while you pray.” In the spirit of that, I go out and buy a vibrator… ;) It is purple and is named the “Rabbit Habit.” I rename it Shakti. I then make love to my chakras and the universe. I read a little, relax a little, and head to bed at 11pm. In the morning, I wake to find this incredible Rumi poem that my awesome friend has sent to me because he read it this morning. (How amazing is it to have kick-ass, hot, talented , genius friends who read Rumi and e-mail poems to you.) Fuck yes, I love my life!! FASTING there's hidden sweetness in the stomach's emptiness. we are lutes, no more, no less. if the soundbox is stuffed full of anything, no music. if the brain and the belly are burning clean with fasting, every moment a new song comes out of the fire. the fog clears, and new energy makes you run up the steps in front of you. be emptier and cry like reed instruments cry. emptier, write secrets with the reed pen. when you're full of food and drink, an ugly metal statue sits where your spirit should. when you fast, good habits gather like friends you want to help. fasting is solomon's ring. don't give it to some illusion and lose your power, but even if you have, if you've lost all will and control, they come back when you fast, like soldiers appearing out of the ground, pennants flying above them. a table descends to your tents, jesus' table. expect to see it, when you fast, this table spread with other food, better than the broth of cabbages. --RUMI

Day 5: Woke up this morning at 6am, not by choice. Salt water and tried to get back to sleep. I go to get ready for yoga a little while later and after I am all clean and ready I see my monthly visitor has arrived. Happy that she is here, but upset I woke up early for no reason. I go back to bed. I cannot sleep. Then shortly thereafter, they start to arrive, the most magnificently monstrous cramps I have ever experienced in my life--- EVER. Since going off of birth control a year ago, my cramps have been horrible during this time, but I could always turn to advil. I try to ride it out. For three hours, I have three heating pads on my body: one on my uterus, one on my lower back, one on my upper shoulders… the pain is only growing worse. I cannot see straight. I can go late into the office, but it has been hours and the pain is not subsiding. If I could call in sick, I would. I do everything I can. I try yoga poses--- I look up more yoga poses online to try. I light incense and meditate. I talk to my uterus- negotiating with it, begging it, loving it. I pray. Nothing. When the pain has been happening for so long that I am literally crying in bed in misery, and nothing is working, I decide to take ibuprofen. I don’t care if it will set me back from the cleanse; I don’t care if it will ruin the last few days until now; this pain is unbearable. I carefully cut the ibuprofen away from the capsule and only swallow the drug so I will not have to digest the capsule. In about 45 minutes as I am getting ready, the pain subsides enough that I still feel the cramping, but I am no longer considering a spontaneous self-hysterectomy. On the way to the office, I am listening to an Abraham-Hicks CD on my iPod a friend sent me. There is a segment on placebo vs. drug and the idea of our mind healing us. To my surprise ‘Abraham’ replies in favor of not eschewing modern technology altogether. ‘He’ says: “Would you rather feel better or be right?” I’m not proud of the fact that I took the ibuprofen. (and I did suffer through a day of the worst headaches and pains day 1 without even considering it.) But sometimes health is about knowing what is best for you at the moment and following your instincts. I’m glad I took it.

Day 4- Today is my day to go in late to the office, so I can wake up late (7am) and go to yoga late. I wake up at 6am. I decide to get out of bed to drink the salt water since I’m up and then get back in. The scale is back up to what it said at the start of the fast—so much for that three pounds. Feeling tired. Debating whether to go to yoga. My “time of the month” is late, and I’ve had swollen, sensitive boobs for over a week, and “enough already, get here!” I’ve also been hoping my visitor arrives during the cleanse because for the first three days you do not practice, so that will give me more rest time. I’ve been checking expectantly. I thought today was the day for sure, but no dice. I decide to skip yoga and that rest is more important. 15 minutes later, I get out of bed and go to yoga. It’s better than yesterday. Afterwards, I feel fantastic. At the office and full of energy. No problems whatsoever. My boss asks me for a sip of my drink—one I have put WAY too much cayenne in… “That’s gross, Margs. Too much.” This is also the man who takes me out for endless margaritas at Ditch Plains and lovingly proclaims: “Margs, why are you such a fucking weirdo?” at my daily morning kale/soy/honey shakes. For my “lunch” break. I head to Whole Foods to buy more lemons. I get caught, everyone in New York City gets caught, in a sudden downpour of a mid-summer monsoon. It reminds me of India. I patiently duck under awnings to buy a new super-duper umbrella at Paragon sports, and while people huddle beneath buildings looking freaked out, I am splashing through Union Square. The rain puddles drifting as rivers over my feet and up my legs are warm: the hot concrete and asphalt has heated through the day and is instantaneously heating the massive pools of running water. I am wearing flip flops and a short dress, and the unexpected warmth of the water delights me to no end. I’ve never experienced anything like it. It is like walking through shallow whirlpools in the middle of Manhattan, and so of course, with no one around to hear me, and the rain pouring down to drown me out, I loudly and blissfully start “singing in the rain.” On the way home I rent “Fast Food Nation” and buy more lemons ☺. I had read the book, and the film was fantastic—a great thing to watch during this cleanse. It reminded me of walking by a conventional grocery store on Bleecker on the way to yoga one morning… in the window it had advertised: $1.99/lb: Tomatoes on the Vine and $1.9/lb: pork chops. What kind of a warped society/machine do we live in that tomatoes and pork chops are the same price per pound? I wasn’t feeling too hot on the way home due to some heavy menstrual cramps and had to take it easy. When I arrived home I learned via e-mail I had been offered a lead role in a Shakespeare play being done in the city this summer and was ecstatic… Just interesting to note that I wasn’t “well” before the news, and suddenly a jolt of unexpected positivity threw my body into wellness without my even realizing it. I find myself appreciating smaller things and having small bursts of creativity here and there. As I was lying in bed with my tea just before going to sleep, I put an ice cube into my black mug to cool down the steaming water. Watching the ice cube melt in the hot water was incredible. First it looked like shooting starts, then it looked like a porcupine. I was transfixed. I highly suggest melting an ice cube in hot water in a black mug… I’m telling you, it’s awesome!

Day 3: Woke up groggy after 6 ½ hours sleep. Drank salt water and lied back down. When I got out of bed about an hour to an hour and a half later, I looked over and saw a circular rainbow in my apartment, with a diameter of about eight feet. I lay there for a few moments just admiring it. This was incredible because I get no light whatsoever in my apartment. I am on the first floor in the back of the building, looking out to two other buildings’ brick walls. I love the apartment and the location, but the lack of light is its one downfall—even during the day I always have to have at least one light on while in the space. That there was a huge rainbow sprawling across the wall next to my bed was gorgeously unusual. What a beautiful gift to start the day. After some watery toilet time, I get on the scale in my bathroom. It says I have lost three pounds. I am dubious. I feel a little lighter, but it doesn’t look like I’ve lost anything yet. My tongue is still white and my face a little puffy. I go back to bed and lounge a while more because I am going to yoga and want to save my energy. On the walk there, I am struggling. Tired. Like I’m sick or hung over. Really low energy. Yoga is a disaster. Easily the worst practice of my life. I am in pain, tight, unfocused, anxious, but persevere through. I go back home and get into bed even though it is gorgeous outside, because I have an audition and want to rest up. I get up at 4pm to get ready for my audition. I make a sneaky decision to take a Humibid, which is something that breaks up mucus and I take it for my voice when I have stuff stuck in there from allergies or sickness. I was warming up in the shower and my voice gets caught with some high notes on mucus. I reason that doing well at the audition is more important than the cleanse at this moment. In the kitchen doorway, on the way to take the contraband Humibid, my sock gets stuck on a nail in the floorboard and holds me back from stepping forward. I take it as a sign and hold off the Humibid. :0 The audition went well on my end. I have no control of the other side of the table. I rested all day so my energy was fine for it and it was. Great. The rest of the evening was lovely. Had really even keel energy and cleaned up my apartment, did two loads of laundry and watched a movie. Felt very productive.

Day 2: Wake up with no headache. THANK GOD. I lounge around in bed in the morning and write a long poem for a friend. I feel just lovely. I walk around the apartment and decide to sage the space, to cleanse for the cleanse. As I am doing so, I spy each of my many photographs of family and friends and sage each of them, sending them love and light—I feel an abundance of love in my heart, and light as a feather. As I slowly get ready and feel great, I am in the bathroom listening to Sufjan Stevens and start dancing wildly out of nowhere. I am in sheer ecstasy. Complete bliss, for a good 5 minutes. I start to cry out of joy and gratitude for my life. This whole amazing centered/blissful/sing-song-y mood lasts a good three hours. My friend calls me and tells me he is ready to meet me at the dog run in Tompkins Square Park in the East Village, about a half hour walk from my house. I leave and the rest of the day is pleasant. I’m a little lower energy than normal, but taking it easy, so not a problem. We walk to the Lower East Side, and then I rest on his couch. We catch a movie in Battery Park City. (cab ride there and back—no walking—his idea, I almost never take cabs) At the movie, I don’t even crave his popcorn for a second—a huge feat. (I pre-packed three drinks for this day in one of those large smartwater bottles—the perfect size!) A touch irritable afterwards when he wants to sit for half an hour and watch little kids playing baseball, and I am lying down on the cushioned sidelines. At Whole Foods, I buy two more bags of organic lemons and he buys dinner. We watch the Tony’s alternating with TV and all is easy peasy until—at about 11:30, just as I am getting ready to go home, I am seized with an overwhelming need to go to the bathroom ASAP. I have a sudden horrible feeling on the toilet. My friend comes in to get some floss (we are very casual about this kind of thing—no personal boundaries) and I scream “get out” in tragic, epic pain. Think Medea. Thankfully, this awfulness only lasts about five minutes, and the residual effects of feeling drained go though to the last short bit of the evening. So I splurge on a cab home, throw my lemons in the fridge, down my lax tea and crawl into bed.

Mags Master Cleanse Blog: June 2007 Intent: Detox all organs… lose the Buddha belly ;) Intro/Intent/Beliefs: Although I’ve been reading up on and interested in nutrition and the health of my body for the last ten years, it was six months ago that I did anything ever nearing a fast, other than the occasional all fruit days here and there. I found myself inadvertently in India for six months practicing yoga and during one of the breaks when our yoga shala was closed (which happened to be over the Christmas and New Year’s holidays of the Western schedule) a group of people went to Goa, a holiday/beach area of the country. I traveled with my stunning Chilean Artist friend, Melina, who so intrigued me when telling me about a 7 day colon cleanse and water fast she wanted to do, I begged her to allow me to join. I was terrified. I love to eat. All the time. If you know anything about aruyvedic medicine, I am a “pitta” which means fire-y and strong digestion and we get irritable if we can’t eat every few hours. I am almost positive one of my friends’ nicknames for me “bossy boots,” was born at a time when there was a lack of bagels in the vicinity. So the idea of not eating anything at all, for one, much less seven days, seemed impossible, verging on absurd. Then of course all of my other friends were saying to me: “Why would you want to do this now? Come on—we’re going to the beach to party and have fun; Don’t do this over Christmas!” But I was interested in eschewing all of society’s commercialism and social mores attached to Christmas, even if for one year. I was halfway around the world from anyone related to me (much to their chagrin) and the week leading up to Christmas I would not be sipping martinis and donning gay apparel the way I would be in my now hometown New York, but I would go the opposite way: seeking purity of mind, heart and soul with a free-spirited Chilean on a motorcycle all the while chugging water and cleaning bowels. I will always be grateful to Melina, not only for blessing me with her incredible light, luscious company and brilliant, talented, hot self, but for introducing me to fasting and a great way to go about it. Right from the start she said, “Okay, we have to keep busy so we don’t think about food.” And sure enough, we were running around Goa, motorcycling from beach to beach, hitting dance parties here and there, meeting friends out when we could only have water. We took our rest when we needed it, and every night was an early one, but fasting was about attaining clarity so that the divine presence was more within every everyday moment and gesture. Melina’s divine light was one of the strongest I have seen. Thank you, beautiful, wherever you are, for all you taught me. Fast forward 6 months later, and I am back in New York, in a full-time job, with all of my artistic endeavors on top of it, and I find myself a little more tired than I want to be, a little heavier than I want to be, drinking a little more than I should and veering toward foods that I know should not be in my system. I think there was a good four days in a row last week that I got a slice on the way home. (The best slice of pizza in the world, but even so…) I do not have the time or money at this second to go away to do a week long fast with colonics in a tropical setting, so instead I do a little diligent online research and find all of this information on the Master Cleanse. Here’s a little blog describing my trials, tribulations, moments of wonderment and excitement, for anyone who is interested. (And here is a small disclaimer to those who are squeamish—yogis and people in natural health circles do not mind talking about what comes out of their bodies in a bathroom session… For this reason, I will mention some of these effects in my body, so if you are a civilian or a friend who has stumbled upon this page, be forewarned: everybody poops… and on a cleanse, that comes in various degrees…) ☺ Also, just as a reference point in toxicity, there is no “good” or “bad” eating, what I eat may seem saintly to some and terribly mischievous to others, but this is to let you know where I started from, so you can see how the cleanse is working through my body. I have been a vegetarian for almost a year. I would have fish or tuna or seafood rarely, maybe once or twice a month since returning to the States a few months ago. I do take dairy, but not to excess (save for the pizza ;), and eggs also rarely—maybe once or twice a month. Two weeks ago I had a burger just to see how my body would react. I was surprised to find the going down and digestion of it seemed to be fine. It was only when I got on my yoga mat the next morning that I noticed it had not been digested and was still in my system like a brick. (The yoga mat is great for those discoveries—it does not lie. ☺) When I am eating well, 80% of my diet is vegetables, and I succumb easily to sweets, (especially ice cream) and french fries on anyone else’s plate. For nine months I drank rarely, maybe a drink or two a week and would go several weeks with no alcohol. Last week I had three nights of coming home drunk or tipsy, and I said “enough.” You don’t really realize how much even just a little bit of drinking affects you, but that is not a discussion for right now, and anyhow, this is just to let you know where I am coming from. Also—after 6 months of not smoking, I inexplicable started again a few months ago, and quit 3 weeks ago using Alan Carr’s Easyway method. Part of this cleanse is to get all of those toxins out of my body and to reset. Day 1: Salt water flush in the morning. Not much happening there. Get a bit of hard mass after about an hour/hour and a half, but nothing too excessive or unusual. I’m tired. Already need that morning coffee. I get ready for work slowly, I know that I have to be patient with myself these first few days especially, when everything may seem a little harder. I go to my office, and have decided to start my cleanse on a work day because Saturdays are usually very slow and I have the next full two days off. Immediately when I get there, I make a MC drink and (of course) people are already asking me what I am doing, Whenever I briefly tell someone I am cleansing (without mentioning it is just liquid for ten days) they say, “oh I want to do that!” All three people in my office who have proclaimed interest in detoxifying have immediately followed up with the question of: “Can you drink while you’re on it?” Interestingly enough, as involved as I was with nutrition in my mid-20’s, there are many cleanses I never tried simply because there was no way I could go that long without having a drink. Truly, it was a sad state of affairs. That was one of my most cherished gifts from India and Goa—learning how to “party” without drugs or alcohol. I’m watching the clock, and my body (mind?) needs to feel full. I have three drinks in under two hours. I remember reading online posts talking about how people don’t know how they can get the 6 drinks ingested in a day, and here it was 11am and I’m already worried that I won’t be able to stay under the recommended dozen MC drink limit for the day. Hmm… clearly an issue. At my request, twice someone changes the radio station in the office and I keep exclaiming petulantly, “I don’t like this song either!” Bratty for sure, and absolutely inappropriate for the office where I am supposed to be in a position of leadership. When one of my agents calls out, “Well, maybe you should eat something and then you won’t be so irritable…” I take that as my cue to get out of the office for a walk. I head to Paragon Sports to eye sunglasses, but my bad temper also leaves me indecisive. I head across Union Square to Whole Foods to buy more lemons because at the rapid rate I am drinking the lemonade, I have vastly misjudged the amount of lemons I would need. This is when the headache comes in. When cleansing in India, I didn’t get bad headaches, but I was not drinking coffee then, only chai in the morning. Now I am up to strong Indian chai that I make before yoga every morning (the stuff you cannot get at any regular store, and it nowhere near resembles the chai tea bags sold everywhere—I buy mine from an Indian grocery store and it is loose tea and is as strong as espresso,) after yoga I grab a grande coffee from Starbucks on the way to work, and then lately I’ve been having at least one more cup of coffee (usually from Starbucks, because darn it—nothing else seems to be strong enough anymore,) and if I am going out late, I will even have one more. So that’s kinda a lot of caffeine. So the headache is kind of a major disaster when it rocks my world and continues to FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. I get back to the office and my detox is making me miserable. I’m irritable beyond belief. When an agent comes in and tells me he might be doing a deal which will call for a few hours of hard, dedicated work on my part immediately, I am cursing that landlord. I take a breath. Om shanti. If that’s what I’m meant to do, it is what I am meant to do. The deal does not go through as they decide to go for another one… saved. I suffer through the last few hours in quiet misery. When I go to lounge in the oversized, sofa leather armchairs of our lobby, our bored receptionist will not stop talking to me, and I have absolutely no patience for pleasantries right now. I bury my head in a book, trying to look as unsocial as possible. The funny thing about cleansing is that really even the worst days feel no worse than being sick or hung over, but the early days are hard when you know that food or caffeine or something could stop your temporary misery. But I am steadfast. I know toxins are leaving my system. A friend comes to pick me up because I am ambitiously going up to a BBQ at another friend’s Harlem loft. When the D train gets stalled for 45 minutes and we have not even gotten halfway there, I cannot take it anymore, text my apologies, and head across the tracks to hit the next train downtown and home. When I get back to my apartment and settle in with a Netflix movie. I feel better. I think this is the key—lounging with lots of movies… depending on the fast, I can sometimes read, sometimes it is too much effort. Right now movies are perfect. The movie ends and I decide to go rent two more from the self-serve DVD kiosk on Houston Street. I feel better after resting on the couch for a couple of hours alone. I head out into a balmy Saturday early June evening in Greenwich Village. The streets are packed with people, mostly tourists, and the sidewalk cafes are overflowing. I am tired—a little out of it and dazed, but as I am walking, I feel such an interesting feeling of pride. Everyone is dressed to the nines for a Saturday evening out, and I am walking slowly, patiently, feeling so separate from the world around me. And not in a bad way. But it is just interesting to see so many people consuming—whatever it is, food, alcohol, cigarettes. And I am not. And that is not better or worse, but right now, I am making the choice to not be out on a gorgeous Saturday night enjoying the weather, the fine-dining, the energy of the city. I am making the choice to cleanse, to go inwards, even if with just a few rental movies in my apartment. I am bucking the crowd, and that gives me a profound sense of freedom, even in what could be deemed a borderline exhausted state at this moment. At the DVD kiosk, I strike up a conversation with two other New Yorkers, their visiting Canadian mother and child. We talk about 9/11 for about 15 minutes and the changes in the neighborhood afterwards, et al. Just thought it was interesting, because although pleasantries are often exchanged with neighbors, it is not often you have a 15 minute conversation at a DVD kiosk on a Saturday night. Always fascinating to note what new things come into your life or what coincidences happen when cleansing—truly believe these to be signs toward something, or at the very least appreciating the world in a different way. My tongue is totally white. I take a picture of it with my camera phone to text it to a friend, and decide that that is too weird… even for me. I return home and snuggle with myself on the couch for two more movies, and fall hard to sleep, grateful I made it through the first day.